It’s funny how a thought can emerge from the past and spark a completely new exercise in consideration on the zag relative to the same idea. The idea in question first entered my third about build years ago. I was hangin’ out with a peace group of friends from out West and my nigga Robbie was the center of the conversation. One of the other guys was tellin’ a story about how Robbie finnessed this wisdom that he used to deal with by makin’ her say she appreciated him. On face value this may not come off as much of an awe-inspiring feat, but based on the fact that this was, in large part, the reason she gave him the power U, coupled with the intensity with which she proclaimed it, the plausibility of it’s merit expands in an open mind. The Queen was basically doin’ a less than convincing justice cipher born of playin’ hard to get and my man wasn’t havin’ it. She willfully admitted that she was feelin’ him, thought he was cool, and the whole nine. His keen awareness of all of the above interwoven with the momentum of heat infused magnetic attraction caused him to employ a subtle, yet extremely effective means by which to coerce her into the climactic admission that would ultimately lead to the born equality divine room. He calmly built with her about how her flattering words sounded good but didn’t exactly make rain, hail, snow, and earthquakes in his third. The cavalier current of air with which he spoke bordered on categorizing them as disingenuous and nothing more than a light and fluffy way to keep him in the “friend zone.” Like an international grand-master inhaling the scent of a looming checkmate he pressed forward with his determined idea. He told her he needed something more and was doubtful that she could provide it. His palpable doubt unnerved her and she yearned to show and prove that she sincerely bear witness to him as the piece with the magnetic. Her bluff was called when he proclaimed, “I mean all that is cool and everything, but I need you to appreciate me though.” She immediately pledged that she did and as she did so more intensely she was met with equally intense doubt until she could no longer resist the urge to make word bond. And thus, this is how my nigga Robbie got da’ draws…LOL!
ap·pre·ci·ate [uh-pree-shee-eyt] Show IPA verb, -at·ed, -at·ing.
to be grateful or thankful for: They appreciated his thoughtfulness.
verb (used with object)
to value or regard highly; place a high estimate on: to appreciate good wine.
to be fully conscious of; be aware of; detect: to appreciate the dangers of a situation.
to raise in value.
Although the above account represents a “savage in the pursuit of happiness” scenario relative to appreciation, there’s definitely a jewel buried there. The fact of the matter is, among a short list of other things (ie. some peace and quiet, a well made sandwich, and to be left the fuck alone as needed) this is what men want…to be appreciated. Now before I take this further, I would be re miss if I didn’t acknowledge that this is a wisdom way street. If you don’t appreciate your woman then you can’t expect her to appreciate you. That being said, let me get deeper into my see on appreciation by first emphatically stating what it is not. It’s definitely not those bullshit ass obligatory thank you’s when a nigga just dropped a couple of hundred dollars to fix some shit you didn’t have the money to get fixed (and probably broke or was damaged due to your negligence) or to buy you some shit you couldn’t afford yet acted like you would die without. It’s also not a dose of smoke up the ass in the form of calculated flattery to give him an ego boost that he doesn’t really need (trust me ladies, real niggaz know they’re ill in their own right and can differentiate a sincere compliment from a fake one so do yourself a favor and save ya breath). Lastly, and this is a big one, it’s not an act of reciprocity just to keep the figurative “scorecard of nice deeds” between you even based on the fact that the last one was performed by him.
On the converse angle of the square here’s what it is. Let’s start with the definitions above which I highlighted in bold print. Notice that the second one says to value highly. If you think your man is a valuable commodity act like it. Keep in mind that if you truly see him through such eyes you aren’t the only woman that does self cipher if you slip to hard one of the “others” might make a move on him. We’re not as disengaged as we may appear to be when you talk to us. That being said, don’t lie to us and then act like you’re appalled when we call you on it as if your integrity is above reproach. That shit infuriates us and makes us not want to be bothered with you. Our intelligence should not be insulted because that’ll get you into serious trouble especially with the Gods.
The third definition speaks of awareness and detection. This is an area in which a lot of wisdoms are deficient. If you’ve been dealing with a man for a couple of years there are times when you should be able to read him. He will give you detectable cues suggesting exactly what he needs or wants and, as the intuitive being that you are, you should take heed and act accordingly. When you don’t, this suggests to him that you don’t listen to him or pay very much attention at all to him which translates to de-valuation whether intentional or unintentional. Between your eyes, ears, and third you have all the tools you need to navigate social equality with this man…use them! My wisdom is not intended to be callous or harsh as much as simply a manifestation of the truth on the square which leads me to my next point. Please stop being so hypersensitive. If you want us to to be honest and share our thoughts with you learn how to receive them in the context and spirit in which they are transmitted. The more a man feels like he has to beat around the bush with the way he says something the more likely it is that he will lie to you. We have no shame in doing so especially if it will keep you from crying, getting an attitude, or shorten an uncomfortable conversation and get you to shut the fuck up. Have you noticed how immaterial this build is yet? I haven’t stated one material thing that we want from you. Do you know why? Because we don’t need material things from you. Don’t get me wrong, an occasional gift is peace but a man with a job can buy himself whatever he needs and enough of what he wants to keep him content. This is especially true in those cases in which you are pinching pennies as it is, but come in the house with a bag of polo shirts from the mall talkin’ about “look what I bought you!” When money is tight fuck them shirts! We can’t eat em’ or turn em’ into gas for the cee allah rule! All I’m sayin’ is live your mathematics and pick your spots.
When Angie Stone released the video for “Brotha'” I wanted to give her a Rick James kiss in the mouth and wash her feet. That shit epitomized appreciation for the black man. I built with a lot of brothas about that joint and we all felt the same sense of gratitude toward her for the way she proclaimed her love for us to the world. Does Preme generally feel appreciated? Now cipher. Let me run it through the cipher and see what the data yields. Do they appreciate me at the justice? Fuck naw, I work with and for the colored man…nuff said. How bout’ the brotha’s that approach you askin’ for this math? They asses don’t study and ain’t none of em knowledged 120 so you tell me. What about your readership God? Yeah, hell if they didn’t then they wouldn’t read these builds (love ya’ll :o) How bout ya family? Sometimes…I know they love me and all but sometimes I don’t feel like they fully understand me and therefore don’t have the capacity to really appreciate me. What about the Queen Preme you must feel appreciated by her right? Honestly, it depends on the day. I guess deep down she does but I can’t always tell as is the case with a lot of other math with her. She been rockin’ wit’ me for a few years so…shit I don’t know…
At the end of the day this wasn’t just about me as much as it was about us, black men I mean. Our sisters don’t always have to be our biggest weakness. If they put their minds and hearts to it they can be our greatest source of strength. Trust me, we need it…