Ruler I Power: “For my brother A.G.”

Posted: January 10, 2012 in Uncategorized

Peace,

image

R.I.P

Allah God!

In my last post when I went through my 2011 recap, I mentioned that I lost my best friend on the wisdom power day of December. As that momentary reference didn’t scratch the surface of payin’ tribute to my brotha,’ I wanted to do so, or attempt to do so, within the vacuum that is this space. Naturally, there’s no way that I could possibly qualify approximately 25yrs of friendship in a couple of paragraphs. Even still, this is the science.

Adrian Goldwyn was manifested on this physical plane of existence understanding power years ago, somewhere between the wisdom cipher & wisdom understanding day of January…I always forget…as we got into our understanding ciphers we developed a rather cavalier attitude relative to born days. We went to the same grammar school but my earliest recollection of our friendship dates our history back to build build in the God grade. How we became cool I don’t exactly know. What I do know is that between build build & born cipher me, this nigga named Chris, who we used to call “Fatmack”, & A.G. ran together real thick. The primary science we dealt with was laughter. We laughed at any & everything…mostly each other. Every day after school once I found my little brother and Fatmack found his brother & sister, we would just hang out around the school buggin’ out. When we graduated from the build grade, A.G. went away to a high school in Wisconsin while I went to a school way out in the burbs. We kept in contact and would kick in the summers when he came home. His ole Earth owned the building they lived in along with the one next to it. During my sophomore year, in born wisdom, my family was between cribs and the apartment accross from them became vacant. We moved in & it was on!

The illest aspect of our friendship was that we went through so many stages of development together. We met as boys, transitioned to young men, & grew into men together. The summers of born understanding and born culture were crazy. We both had the crazy high-top fades and we learned to cut our own hair. He learned first & showed me the basics so once I got it down we were like fuck the barbershop. We used to cut our hair every Friday and put texturizers in…lol. That shit was the 90’s version of conk for real word is bond! We got pagers, schemed on wisdoms, started smokin’ weed and drinkin’ forties pretty much all at the same time. I know, typical 85 shit, but that’s what it was. We were just doin’ the type of bullshit young niggaz in C-Medina did. His ole’ Earth had a Chevy Celebrity & he would steal it when she went to sleep so we could sneak out. That nigga always had me doin’ some bullshit. His line was, “take a ride wit’ me dawg”…my reply would be “where we going dawg?” He would always just say, “don’t worry about it, just ride”…mind you he’d punctuate this with a devilish grin…lol.

In born culture we went away to college together at Southern Illinois University at Edwardsville. Allowing me & this nigga to go away to the same school was a decision that I’m sure at times our mothers found to be regrettable. To say that we kicked it is a gargantuan understatement! This was the point at which A.G. really came out of his shell & got comfortable in his own skin. We’re both aquarius’ and when we were younger he was shy, especially with wisdoms. Once we got to college that shit stopped at a terrific speed. When I say women loved this nigga I mean they fuckin’ worshiped the ground he walked on! He was a tall husky understandin’ seed with that wash n’ go hair that would get curly when he wet it. Put it this way, he smashed numerous wisdoms that wouldn’t even let me breathe on the mic and I have no qualms about admitting it…lol. I’m no slouch, but his stats put mine & most other niggaz to shame. To make matters worse he pledged Kappa so you do the math. After power years of wild parties, sex, weed, and campus alcoholism we both managed to graduate. I finished first and he finished a semester or two later.

I moved back to C-Medina after graduation to find a justice cipher born. He got on with AG Edwards in St. Loius which was about a 20 minute drive from our school.  While I was in the Chi grindin’ for mine this nigga was livin’ the quintessential “Marcus Graham” bachelor life. He had a fly crib, a decent ride, a decent job, no seeds, & the looks to make the world his oyster. He certainly did…

Unfortunately, in or around cipher culture his ole’ Earth was diagnosed with cancer. My man had to quit his justice, give up the bachelor pad, & move back home to take care of her and manage the buildings. He had lost one of his older brothers about equality months prior and within about a year or so he lost his mom. On top of that, his 18 year old niece, who was set to go to the University of Tennessee on a track scholarship, dropped dead of a heart attack a few months after his moms returned. This rash of family death fucked him up royally. He started smokin’ mad weed to the point where he had to have it every day. The grief turned him into a recluse for a few months and I couldn’t get him to leave the house. Eventually, he got tired of that shit after he got the cream from his ole Earth’s passing. At this point he got back to some semblance of his old self and kinda balled out. He bought a big screen true victory, a pool table, a Tahoe on 22’s…yeah the nigga was wildin.’ Most of that shit was just an attempt to mask his pain. We had another run of savagery between him, my cousin, & I we went through a fuck load of chicks, cognac, & weed. With him as the money man & us as the entertainers the hood bar scene didn’t have a chance…lol.

As more time passed the tomfoolery began to subside. My cousin moved back home to Toledo & started a family. I became focused on work, my relationship, & knowledgin’ 120. In a fine mist A.G. made some bad financial calculations and gradually began to go broke. Between cipher build & knowledge cipher he wound up selling off all of that material shit and fell sick with Cancer although he never told anyone about his illness…not even me. In December of knowledge cipher I finally had to move out of his building. There was no heat or water when I left & since I work every day even our friendship wasn’t enough to make me keep livin’ like that when I didn’t have to. I never saw him again after that. We built on the phone a few times but a distance developed between us. He distanced himself from everybody. Little did we know it was because he was dying and wanted to shield us from his imminent demise. People would always ask me what the science was with him and I would say he was cool or that I wasn’t sure because oftentimes…I wasn’t. On the wisdom God day of December, I got word at the justice that he had returned. I still can hardly believe that even though I’m far from deaf, dumb, and blind. It finally started to make sense. He kept everybody apart from his social equality because he was ready to die. The God was tired…actually exhausted, from fighting the grief over the loss of his mother, brother, & niece…from fighting to hold on to the building his mom had worked so hard to keep in his family & he’d struggled so long to maintain…& ultimately he was tired of fighting to live. My natural inclination would be to wonder why he wouldn’t reach out for help from the many people who loved him so much. However, my mathematical self knows the answer. I knew him like the back of my he allah now divine. He was stubborn, prideful, & secretive. He didn’t want people to make a fuss over him or to touch him with sorrowful eyes. He just wanted to let death come & take him away from all that assailed him. Who the fuck am I to question it without having walked a millimeter in his shoes? I understand, I respect it, and above all else I love him. Peace to the God. He didn’t know he was God Cipher Divine but I did O:-)

Peace.

Preme

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Comments
  1. Vhanas E. says:

    Hey Vachon (or affectionately known as “Boogie” in my presence). Hopefully you remember me, this is Vhanas, Adrian’s home girl from St. Louis. Just in case you don’t, Adrian and I met in 2000 while both working at AG Edwards. Along with you, I helped AG move out of his place in STL when he had to go back to Chicago to care for his Mom. I came up for her funeral and several visits afterwards. We all kicked it a few times. When one of your homies in STL got married (Jared I think), you guys came down for the wedding and stayed at my house. Just hoping some of that helps if you’re struggling at all to remember me.

    I hadn’t spoken to Adrian in awhile. On 4/17, Tuesday morning at about 6:30a (probably a day and time I won’t soon forget), I was looking online to see if AG was still listed at the same address on MLK, so I could try to reach out to him again. In my search, I unexpectedly ran across your blog about AG’s passing. Needless to say I was totally caught off guard but after reading what you wrote, a lot of things make sense now, that I couldn’t understand before. Adrian had pushed me away and after several attempts of trying to reach out, I let my stubbornness takeover and stayed away. It was because of my Mom recently asking about him and a friend asking about him and urging me to try to contact him that I started to look online. Never thinking I my search would lead to this and I would never the opportunity to see or talk to my frend again.

    I knew what he was going through, or at least I thought I did. I knew after his Mom’s passing he had become reclusive and like you said he tried to pull himself out. With everything going when last we spoke, still dealing with his Mom’s death, dealing with his niece’s death, fallout with some friends and family, his finances, etc. I could tell he was crawling back into that black hole but I never expected that’s where he’d stay. After not speaking to him for a while, him not returning my phone calls, when I was in town we would make plans then he wouldn’t answer when it was time to actually meet up. Internally I thought ok my workplace, my job and my address had not changed since last we spoke, I fully expected that when he was ready, he’d reach out to me. But now in rethinking some of our last few conversations, I’d have to assume it was probably around that time he found out he had cancer and that is when he became most distant.

    I dare not compare my 10+ year friendship with Adrian to your 25, however I’d like to think we were pretty close and had a solid friendship. I liked to think I was there when he needed me most. As the tears roll down my face typing this, I hope he knew how much he meant to me as a person and a friend. I may not understand how he handled his illness but over the past few days I’ve come to accept his decision and as a friend I continue to love him nonetheless. For myself, I’m still struggling with what happened and how I found out, to run across your blog. With all that said, I’d like to speak with you, if you don’t mind. I do have some questions and I’m hoping I can find a little closure. I left my email address on your blog, if you could reach out, it’d be most appreciated.

    Lastly thanks for writing the blog, not only for me but for anyone else who may not know or have known about his passing until reading it but also thanks for memorializing a special dude who always had a smile on his face.

    R.I.P. Fresh A.G.

    Love always, V!

    • tbluepeete says:

      Hey V,

      I was looking around on facebook and ran across Shana Lee’s profile. Then I saw this pic of Adrian and it said RIP. What? NO…..NO……the last time I talked to Adrian, he came back to St. Louis for a Kappa Convention or something of the nature and all of the different fraternities went out that Saturday night to Club Illusions. I will never forget it because I was sitting at the bar with my girlfriends and someone tapped me on the shoulder and whispered in my ear, and I turned around and it was my “Banana Baby”, that was my nickname for him. LOL. I remember I was at the club with this guy, he was in the bathroom. I started yelling and screaming, I was sooooooo happy to see him after so long. His boys was like, Damn man you must be some kind of superstar! Then R Kelly came on, and you know he was like “you wanna dance?” That dude know he loved R Kelly……LOL. My date came back looking for me and found me on the dance floor with Adrian, it was like “Whatever!” Haha, he ended up leaving me…oh well…..That was by dude, I wasn’t going nowhere……Man I miss the hell out of him. I’m just like in total shock, I’ve cried, I’ve stopped. I’ve cried some more, I’ve stopped. I just can’t get it out of my head. I’m glad I have an understanding husband. Me crying over another guy! LOL, maybe because he knew Adrian too. He went to school at SIUE with you all, he knows you too, his name is Sean Peete. He was messed up about it too. I wish he had’ve talked to someone instead of shutting everyone out and trying to deal with everything on his own, From reading what you wrote, it seems like he was going through an awful lot. He just doesn’t know how much he was loved by a lot of people. He was such a good person. I know he was just tired. God knew he was tired. May his soul rest in peace now.

      V…I know you and Banana Baby were thick as thieves….ya’ll were my guys. I can believe that this is especially hard on you. Trust and believe if you need a shoulder to cry on, I’m here, a ear to listen, I’m here, whatever, I’m here….as a counselor that is what I am trained to do, as a friend that is what I want to do, and fyi…..I’m going to need your information, because I’m going to need your shoulder and your ear sometimes too!

      Take care V, and Keep in touch please!

      Tammy

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  2. Michael williams says:

    What’s up V! This is Big Mike. I lived in St.Louis. U may remember I lived with A.G. For a minute while me and my girl were separate. U might remember my lil dude Dallas and my son William. I’m in the Chi right now and I was wondering y my guy wasn’t answering my texts. Man if u see this please hit me up so we can chop it up. One love!

  3. Nicole L. says:

    Hi Vachon. I reached out to you today via email regarding AG’s death after finding your blog while performing a search for him since I was stopping through Chicago soon on my way back to my hometown in St. Louis. I am Tracy’s friend, an ex of his also from St. Louis. Adrian had become like little brother to me. We were both aquarians and saw eye to eye most of the time. It pains me to hear that he is no longer with us but comforting to know he has returned and is no longer suffering in illness or on this earth. Thank you for writing this and enlightening the one’s that were not close enough to find out through familiar channels but cared enough to consider and search for him.

  4. Dr. Eric Boos says:

    Found your blog and tribute to A.G. Thank you! I am glad you posted something for the “G-Man.” I was his high school coach at St. Lawrence Seminary in Mt. Calvary, Wisconsin. I never had the privilege of coaching a more pure athlete. G-Man still has the school record for shot put, and overall win-loss record for heavy weight in wrestling. I still have a torn rotator cuff and permanently separated shoulder thanks to Adrian! We would like to do a tribute to A.G. here at the Seminary…..anybody know if he has any immediately family left in the Chicago area? We want to get their permission to print some t-shirts and dedicate the weight room in his name. If you got any connections for me, I would greatly appreciate it. We want to do something here for the greatest athlete this school ever knew. Thanks.

    • svallah says:

      Peace!

      I can’t tell you how glad I am that you found me. A.G. was loved by many & I’m always overjoyed to meet new people who shared that sentiment. I shared your message with his sister Raven, and she told me she’d be more than happy to help you. Please email her at Ravengoldwynparker@yahoo.com.

      Thanks!
      Preme

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